Why I got a Snickers Tattoo.

When I was a kid I spent my weekends with my dad dove hunting or fishing. For a few years we were together doing something most weekends.  My little brothers weren’t old enough to go so it was just dad and me roaming the dove fields and ponds of North Georgia.

The very first time we went hunting my dad gave me a Snickers……I hated it!  When he wasn’t looking I threw the candy bar in the woods.  He never knew how nasty I thought it was.

From then on out every time we went hunting or fishing he’d buy Snickers for us to snack on.  I’d open them up; wait for him not to be looking and the toss the Snickers into the woods or lake.  He had no clue that I did not like them.  One day he and my mom went shopping for a hunting trip, he got a bag of Snickers for us; mom saw them and told him I hated Snickers and that I had been throwing them away for years.

The next morning we went hunting, he gave me some Snickers and told me he wanted to see me eat one.  I was busted!  He laughed.  From that day forward he always gave me one Snickers when we went off hunting or fishing.

This coming April will be six years since dad died.  The last day I was with him he and I went to the place we used to hunt.  We spent the day in my truck riding around the farm, talking about hunting and fishing, all the things we had seen and done together. It was a great day.  He gave me Snickers.

That afternoon I took him home.  I was supposed to fly to Louisiana to go on a fishing trip.  When we got to his house, I told him and mom I was going to cancel my trip and stay with them.  Dad said no, he said to go fishing and he see me when I got back. I did what I was told.  My flight arrived late in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.  I went to get my bags; my brother called.  Dad had died.

They last thing dad gave me was a Snickers bar.

My dad was always there when I needed him.  He never gave up on me, when I screwed up he picked me up dust me off and get me back on my feet. This past year has been hard on me, full of fear, loneliness and heart ache. The tattoo reminds me of my dad.  It says you are not alone, I am here with you.

I miss you dad.

Love, PWH



Light

I long to live in the light

The light is love, happiness, peace, grace

The light is that warm feeling when you hear a good song

The light is the sound of a friend’s voice, the smile on a friends face

The light laughter of a child,

The light is a hug

The light is a slow dance, a long kiss

The light is hope

 The light is the promise of something better

The light is love

God is the Light

I long to live in the Light

Mr. Shine

12/4/10

I Want....

November 2, 2010

I Want

I want to be a good man

I want to be a good dad

I want to be a good son

I want to have strong faith & belief in God

I want to trust in God

I want to step out in Faith & Trust

I want freedom from worry and fear

I want good friends that I can trust and count on

I want Grace

I want love

I want to share my life

I want happiness

I want to be healthy

I want love

What If?

October 25, 2010

When I was working I traveled around the southeast inspecting manufactured homes (aka…doublewides, singlewides, mobile homes, trailers).  I looked at a whole range of homes, from simple low end homes to very nice high end homes. As you may imagine I meet all sorts of people.  Some were regular folks, some were scary, and some were simply amazing.

This is a true story about one of the amazing guys I met.

On Wednesday, June 24, 2009 I met an 80-year-old black preacher (he called himself black so I guess it is OK if I do) up in the hills of Tennessee. He was a nice old guy.  He showed me around his little house, pointed out a few problems then he asked me to come outside with him to his little office that he had built out back.  I thought he wanted to talk about the repairs to his home, I was wrong.  He wanted to talk to me about God and this is what he said.  I thought to myself please get me out of here, I don't want to hear this.

He started off by asking me if I had ever thought about what color Adam and Eve were.  I said no and started making my way to the door.  Then he asked me to sit down.  I was trapped.

He told me that Adam was a dark skinned man, and asked me if I knew how he knew that, and I said no.

Then he went on to tell me that that God made Adam from the dust, that dust is dirt, that dirt is dark, therefore Adam was a dark skinned man.

He told me that Eve was made from a rib, that ribs are bones, that bones are white, so Eve was white.

He then told me Adam and Eve was the first interracial couple.

Next he asks me if I knew what my soul was or if I could describe it. I said I wasn’t sure, he told me my soul was my personality, if I had a good personality I had a good soul.

We talked a little longer, he said a prayer and then I left.  I thought about what he said for the next few days.  What if he is right about Adam and Eve?  What if he is right about my soul? 

I have been blessed throughout my life by meeting all sorts of people. Some of them I’ve spent only a little time with, some have been involved in my life for a long time.  All have touched my life. All of them had had a part in making me the man I am today. For this I am grateful. Amen

Peace & Grace to you all ~ Parker

And So I Drive……

Me & my boy!

October 20, 2010

I’ve been in Raleigh with Walker since Saturday.  We’ve had a good visit, went to a movie, went to eat at some of our favorite places, laughed a lot, talked much and even managed to do a little homework.

Last night I lay in bed with him until 2:00 am just watching him sleep.  He seems so at peace when he sleeps, like he doesn’t have a care in the world, while I on the other hand lay beside him torn, sad, and worried.  I wish so much to be like Walker.

I took Walker to school this morning.  I tried to tell him good-bye and that I loved him.  I’m sure he heard me but he just gave me a quite nod of his head.  You see he was with his friend; he has reached that age when it is not “cool” to say I love you to his dad in front of his buddies.  I was the same way when I was his age.  He does say it, just not in public.  I can respect that.

Now it is time to go.  I don’t want to leave.  It breaks my heart every time I go.  I think every time I leave that a little part of my soul dies.  I can’t help but to cry.  When I first started leaving him, a year or so ago, I’d cry hard, real hard.  The kind of crying that leaves you gasping for air, I could feel my soul falling apart. I’d be lying if I said it gets easier with time to go, it just doesn’t.

I hope one day I’ll be able to explain all this to Walker.  I worry one day he’ll hate me, that he’ll get older and resent me leaving.  I’m sure he will understand but there is still that part of me that say, “Will he understand me, will he forgive me?”

Now let me tell you the most amazing thing about the love between Walker and me.  My heart and soul break every time I leave him or he leaves me, that is true. The amazing thing is, with each phone call, each good memory, each “I love you dad” my heart and soul mend. They are healed!   To me that is true Grace, unconditional love between a father and a son is simply amazing!

Walker and I have had four great days together.  That is what I have to remember when I start my ride and the tears start to fall.  I hope that that is what Walker remembers too.

God,

Today I ride down that road again that takes me away from my boy. It’s a long hard road full of all types of emotions. I don’t like the ride, but for now it is a ride I must take. I thank you God for the gift of Walker, for letting me be his dad and letting me know his love.  He is a good boy and I love him very much.  Please watch over him and his mom while I’m gone. Let them know happiness and love protect them for all things evil, shelter and protect them always. Amen

Peace & Grace to you all. ~ Parker

The Beginning

October 17, 2010

I started working on my block about a month or so ago.  I can’t tell you how many times I have sat down to start writing only to have my mind to go totally blank.  I guess its stage fright or a fear that the words that I write will have no value to anyone but me.

I also have been afraid that if I write what truly feel or think that somehow I will lose my man card.  That all my men friends will rise up and rebel against me, that they will see me as week, giving up secrets that only we men are suppose to know. That they will come get me in the middle of the night and burn me at the stake.  Oh well, guess I’m just going to have to take a chance on losing my man card.

So what is the purpose of this blog?  I don’t really know yet, how is that for an answer. I will write about my fears, my hopes, dreams, wants and desires.  I may write about God, my last date or my son Walker.  I will write about my life and what is important to me.

I’ll leave you with this thought:

There is a God

God is good

God created us all

God is in us all

Therefore within us all there is good

Find the goodness in yourself

Learn to share that goodness with others

Learn to share God with others

Peace, Love and Grace to you all.  Spread a little Soul Shine whenever you can. ~Parker